2 nuggets of wisdom I had this week:
I had a hard time picking out a Mother's Day card. How do you choose a card when you do not particulary like your mother? I realize that sounds terrible and before everyone who has a perfect family life jumps down my throat, let me explain. Surely I have only one mother. And I am very very grateful for all the hell she went through when I was young and the things she did for me. We went through a lot together, and we are the same person in a lot of ways. She provided a lot for me as a single mother. I'm grateful for that.
But as I've gotten older, she's also consistently been the most unreliable person I know, and she hasn't come through on a lot of things she really needed to last year, especially when it came to all the heartache and struggle and legal issues etc related to my father and grandmother's deaths.
Previously, my mother and I didn't talk very often anyway. I never understood those people who talk to their moms every day. There would often be weeks or months between our conversations. This is even more true since all the tragedy of last year. I can't remember the last time I spoke to my mom but I think it was at least a few months ago. She isn't a mother figure to me now that I'm an adult. Yes she still birthed me, but she doesn't really have any role in my life. And it hurts to type that, and without knowing the whole story, makes me seem really cold. We're not friends. We don't really have anything in common. She doesn't know how to relate to me. She's not motherly--I've been taking care of myself for a long time now. And while now she's the only family I've got, I still feel like a true orphan because all of my family members are gone. It makes me sad, but I'm used to it. Like I said, I've been looking out for myself since earlier than most, earlier in life than I really should have needed to.
Other nugget of wisdom: When you are a single person without any family nearby, who do you list as your Emergency Contact? I've been struggling with this for years now. I often just have to put my mom, even though she's not in the state, and so I don't know how good of an emergency contact that really is. At times, I've listed serious boyfriends, but relationships always end, and then I have to try to remember who I put where and what to change. I've put Joe down before. And I suppose he'd still be an appropriate person, so long as he's here, but it doesn't feel right. I know a lot of people. I have a lot of acquaintances. But no one I would think would be fitting for this so-common but so elusive title.