can you see me?

(Sandra Juto)

I feel like this picture is a good indicator of my mood. Dark and stormy in the background, but those cheery flowers are shining.

I am in a weird mood and do not wish to be, so I am spending my morning looking through my Wordnik list of vocab words, hungrily eating up the images on Sandra Juto's site, drinking coffee, and writing. It's always strange when someone tries to analyze you, especially if you feel like they are analyzing you wrong, or even scarily--correctly. Maybe this is why most people like to surround themselves with familiar people. Much as I like meeting new people and making new friends, it's scary, because then you have to be on, you have to try to establish a connection, get them to see the real you. I don't let people in easily, though when I really do connect with someone, it's easy to. I don't volunteer parts of myself, but I share easily if asked in the right way.

Here, have some words:
ersatz: adjective. Being an imitation or a substitute, usually an inferior one; artificial

sylph: noun. A slim, graceful woman or girl.

renege: intransitive verb. To fail to carry out a promise or commitment (I didn't know how to spell this for the longest time).

aplomb: noun. Self-confident assurance; poise

Contemplative at work

(From: Daily Pep)

Photos to go with the mood I'm in at the moment.

(From Rockstar Diaries)

I love that I can listen to my mp3 library away from home on Last.Fm

Contemplative songs scrobbled on Last.Fm this morning:
Destiny by Zero 7 (god, this song is magical)
Run by Snow Patrol
Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
Boston White by Umbrellas
Citadel-Anna Nalick
Somebody To Love-Queen

It's been a few perfect weather days this week and will continue through the weekend, so that helps one's mood. It also helps to geek-out with new friends during the week, and have all kinds of things to look forward to this weekend, like First Fridays with Questionable Rationale, and Easter on Parade with my gay bois, my backyard neighbor and hopefully an old college friend.

I recently found a blogger writing about my hometown beaches: I Love Dewey Beach which makes me both excited and wistful at the same time. She appears to live year round somewhere else, but has a summer cottage in Dewey. I wish my mother's house was not a mess so that I would actually have a place to stay for free when I want to come home to my beach. Luckily my best friend's mom has offered her house for me to stay in the future.

Glare of the computer screen.

This is what I get for sleeping all weekend. Now I can't make myself go to bed. I'm listening to this music, as per @tokyohanna . It's a little too upbeat for bedtime music, though, which was her suggestion.

(Photo from This is Glamorous)

I want to do a pink lip like this. Love the lighting here. 'Course, I'm not blond, so it wouldn't look the same.

I'm in a weird mood tonight. Not bad, just pensive. It feels good to be pensive. I wonder why I'm so resistant to the idea of other people having children, of getting married. I've got to assume it makes them happy, but those are not things I see for myself, so it seems so odd and unpleasant. Not that I don't like the idea of marriage, I've just never really been with someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, and it seems rather sophomoric that soo many people think they have. I believe in love. I've been in love, several times. None of us wants to end up alone, but I think its awfully unrealistic to think that one person can meet all our needs for the rest of our lives. I realize this all makes me sound like a terrible cynic, and I don't want to be a negative person because I'm really not.

Do I just read people better than they read themselves? You know how sometimes you hear someone talking, you see their actions, and you just go, wow, they're really deluded. Sometimes they do it purposefully, but its scarier when they don't see it at all.

I'm having flashbacks to up-late-IM conversations in college. God, those were so dramatic, so life-changing, or at least they felt that way when I was 19, 20 years old. I always said the best art comes out of melancholy, out of unhappiness, out of tragedy, of unrequited love. I wrote some good poetry back then, ha. Shit, some of this music brings back memories. I love how music does that. Smell too. Bionic nose and all. How many of you have saved IM conversations on your computer? Be honest. I still do.

(Photo from Altruism in the Morning)

Is sleep deprivation just another addiction, a punishment of the modern world? So many people I know have insomnia all the time. I never have a problem sleeping. I'm a sleeper, in fact, I'd be more likely to oversleep. But I wonder how much we now compete to sleep less, we each trying to out-busy the other. Trying to show how brave we are by not sleeping. A more postmodern(? I hate this term, no one has been able to accurately define it for me) form of self-punishment, like starving yourself, purging, or cutting?

My cat is curled up in my spot on the couch.

Tonight's blog writing playlist (on random, more or less):
Citadel-Anna Nalick
Goodbye Girl-Hootie & the Blowfish
Kiss From A Rose-Seal
Rain-Madonna
Best I Ever Had-Vertical Horizon
Walking After You-Foo Fighters
Same in Any Language-I Nine

That glow

I adore the lighting and the feeling of this photo. It's dark outside, but warm and cozy inside, with just the glow of ambient lighting. this is always the kind of lighting I'm seeking out, in real life and in photos. Once I get all my Christmas lights up, I'll have the lovely glow to bask in all season.

Emma is a blogger I read regularly for her style inspiration and chic photography.

Emma's Corner.

Si o No

For the last week:

Things I like
Tailgate with new friends
The fall smell
My small, highly selective college kicking a$$ and taking names at D-1 football
Old college friends
Free Sunday dinner and drinks
Greek


Things I don't like
Toothaches
Pillbugs on my towel in the morning
Cramps
Clompy upstairs neighbor
Creaky floorboards
Weather that won't make up its mind