March 15, 2010

Glare of the computer screen.

This is what I get for sleeping all weekend. Now I can't make myself go to bed. I'm listening to this music, as per @tokyohanna . It's a little too upbeat for bedtime music, though, which was her suggestion.

(Photo from This is Glamorous)

I want to do a pink lip like this. Love the lighting here. 'Course, I'm not blond, so it wouldn't look the same.

I'm in a weird mood tonight. Not bad, just pensive. It feels good to be pensive. I wonder why I'm so resistant to the idea of other people having children, of getting married. I've got to assume it makes them happy, but those are not things I see for myself, so it seems so odd and unpleasant. Not that I don't like the idea of marriage, I've just never really been with someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, and it seems rather sophomoric that soo many people think they have. I believe in love. I've been in love, several times. None of us wants to end up alone, but I think its awfully unrealistic to think that one person can meet all our needs for the rest of our lives. I realize this all makes me sound like a terrible cynic, and I don't want to be a negative person because I'm really not.

Do I just read people better than they read themselves? You know how sometimes you hear someone talking, you see their actions, and you just go, wow, they're really deluded. Sometimes they do it purposefully, but its scarier when they don't see it at all.

I'm having flashbacks to up-late-IM conversations in college. God, those were so dramatic, so life-changing, or at least they felt that way when I was 19, 20 years old. I always said the best art comes out of melancholy, out of unhappiness, out of tragedy, of unrequited love. I wrote some good poetry back then, ha. Shit, some of this music brings back memories. I love how music does that. Smell too. Bionic nose and all. How many of you have saved IM conversations on your computer? Be honest. I still do.

Is sleep deprivation just another addiction, a punishment of the modern world? So many people I know have insomnia all the time. I never have a problem sleeping. I'm a sleeper, in fact, I'd be more likely to oversleep. But I wonder how much we now compete to sleep less, we each trying to out-busy the other. Trying to show how brave we are by not sleeping. A more postmodern(? I hate this term, no one has been able to accurately define it for me) form of self-punishment, like starving yourself, purging, or cutting?

My cat is curled up in my spot on the couch.

Tonight's blog writing playlist (on random, more or less):
Citadel-Anna Nalick
Goodbye Girl-Hootie & the Blowfish
Kiss From A Rose-Seal
Best I Ever Had-Vertical Horizon
Walking After You-Foo Fighters
Same in Any Language-I Nine

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