August 26, 2010


I know I've been neglecting my blog. I've been swamped at work and not wanting to do much else besides come home and do nothing, and I've also been busy worrying about everything and getting overwhelmed, like I do, and doing little about it.

Anyway, I feel like the older I get, the less I believe in true love. Now I've been in love before. But it's been awhile. I've never had anyone I thought was the "love of my life." I've certainly had amazing, wonderful,crazy, all-consuming, fine, good, friendship, etc relationships, that served their purposes at the time, but never anyone who I was like, Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with that person.

And more and more, I see relationships and marriages fail, fall apart, fizzle out, and I don't know that I believe in forever anymore. I don't think I believe it's possible that one person can make you happy and serve all of those needs for your whole life. I think you have to choose what you give up. I go back and forth from thinking it's best to not settle, that I should keep looking for "the one" because when you know, you know(so they say) and then thinking that's naive and foolish and that I'll end up thinking that I'm being unrealistic to assume I'll find the one person who will be everything to me, who will make all cylinders fire, forever, and that I should just be with the one I know who makes me laugh, who is my best friend, who gets me and my jokes, who I trust, who cares for me.

I think any relationship that's good can be good for awhile until you really get to know someone and spend a lot of time with them, and start to hate their idiosyncracies, tire of them, hate the way your self has become. Then you have to decide whether to keep going, to see if it gets better, if it turns into something else, or if you're just being unrealistic. The longer you spend, the messier and ickier when you decide to leave. And then all of it was for what? Now you've hurt someone you care about, burned that beautiful and unique connection, and you're back to square one.


  1. It seems to be the best relationships are between those who not only encourage each other to grow in their own separate ways but also grow together as a couple.

    So far, I haven't found someone willing to do that with me yet.

  2. Okay - huge comment:
    Totally agree with Amanda... I also hate to bring up this cliche but, the best things happen when you least expect it. LOOKING for anything will turn up dead ends. When I met my bf, I had given up on trying about 6 months before... was just going out with friends, not looking over their shoulders at the dude walking in the bar, just having fun. He walked in w/ a mutual friend, we all sat down together and totally hit it off. I was skeptical as hell. I was a real bitch to him actually for the first few dates. Anytime he said something nice, I shrugged it off. Then something magical happened and I realized I could trust him. It hasn't been sunshine and rainbows the entire time. We've worked hard. He's willing to work as hard as I am. We have had some of the biggest fights EVER but we both finally realized that was no way to live and we couldn't imagine a life w/out one another so, we've been a lot more tender with one another's feelings. Of course things will get on your nerves. Things about you will get on their nerves too. That's life. You eventually roll your eyes and get over it because you can't imagine it any other way.

    It's gonna happen. Open your heart, enjoy life and friends and family, stay social, keep kicking ass on your own goals, get laid when you need to... things have a way of working out.


  3. I know I'm with the right person because even if I know all his faults and even if sometimes I want to shake him for leaving dishes in the sink or for forgetting something important, at the end of the day, when I look at him, my heart does back flips and I realize that life is just simply better with him in it. And I'm a sap because I say over and over that I loved Andrew from the day I met him and I really did just know that he was the person I needed to be with. Bottom line: if someone makes you happy and if you enjoy spending time with them, isn't that what really matters?